Most often, fathers on the Island are seen pushing babies' strollers on weekends or evenings when mothers are taking time off.  In the Bird family, however, the roles have been switched and Amaya gets to push the stroller only on weekends. Her husband, David, stays home with their 19-month-old daughter, Ruby. David is her primary care-giver. "The roles were switched when Ruby was nine months old," says Amaya. "We moved from Australia to New York because I got a job with UNICEF and the only way to do it was to have David stay at home with Ruby because we didn't want to leave her with a nanny. We had heard several nasty nanny stories and besides, it is expensive to keep full-time help."

The move marked a complete change in lifestyle for the entire family. David, a 38-year-old construction professional who ran his own business back home, volunteered to wind up his work and stay at home with Ruby in New York. Amaya, a 37-year-old international public-health consultant who also had her own outfit in Australia, shut down her office to work here. "It was a good time for us, and the change was seen as an opportunity to shape our lives differently. David was going through something of a mid-life crisis, so this gave him a break. I thought that he was better at looking after her anyway, so I might as well take up this offer," admitted Amaya.

Grandmothers on both sides were appalled at first. They were concerned that David would never be able to handle a baby on his own. "Now he is something of a legend," said Amaya with a giggle. "The stereotype is so non-factual. People throw "facts" at you but it is merely their own experience. We know that whoever is with the child more is the one who can take better care of her. David always loved babies and I knew nothing about them. Initially I learned what to do and how, and now he has taken over completely. He loves doing it and I think he is better at it because he is so patient and meticulous."

"We don't have a grand plan," says David. "We take things as they come and, right now, this arrangement suits us best. I cook and clean, I take care of the baby, and when Amaya comes home she just lies down on the couch with a beer." The couple insists that this description is not an exaggeration. "I notice how I am leading a man's life," says Amaya. "We have a complete reversal of roles. So much of this is socially derived and so much is routine derived. Now I can see why men prefer to be the ones going out to work."

David takes Ruby to attend music and tumbling classes at Island Kids. He is the only Dad there and at first was seen as something of an oddity. Now he is just "another mother" who sings songs with Ruby and helps her climb foam blocks. "I don't crave social interaction," says David. "I don't need a support group and I don't rely on it. I fix things myself - it is a boy thing. I might even be uncomfortable in a group of women as they discuss women's issues." Amaya thinks that the only disadvantage in this set-up is that David takes longer to find out about things Ruby could do. "A network is always faster and more efficient. David has to do his own research about playspaces and suchlike, but there are some mothers who come forward and tell him where he could go or even go with him," says Amaya. "We socialize a lot so I don't think Ruby misses out in that respect."

The couple admits that Ruby has been an easy child to rear, for she is not a fussy eater and sleeps well. "She goes through phases but, in general, she has been good to us. She is well-adjusted to both of us but I think she goes to David more," says Amaya. "She fell ill for the first time a month ago and I had her throwing up over my shoulder while I was flipping over books to see what I should be doing," said David. Amaya was away in Africa at the time.

"Aside from this one time, I have been with Ruby whenever she has reached a new milestone, and I get a daily update on her activities," said Amaya. "Even back home I would have been traveling a lot, so this was something that we knew about even before we had Ruby. We knew that David would have to take time off to take care of our baby, so in that respect, we were prepared for this. The only difference is that we would have a lot more support at home and David could have worked part-time. I had warned him that if he really wanted us to have kids, he would have to do more of the looking after, in any case." "I don't mind at all," says David. "I love kids and I enjoy being with Ruby. I never minded changing her diapers, maybe because I am a boy and have always dealt with yucky things."

Does the knowledge that this arrangement is not permanent or even long-term, help? "Yes, once she is slightly older, I will probably study a bit more and do other things that I have always wanted to do, so this is fine," says David. Amaya says that she is often made to feel guilty about this arrangement, especially by older women whose experience has been very different. "They ask how I as a mother could do it, and whether a man can really look after a baby, but I guess they are partially jealous of me. I think my mental health is better than most mothers' can be and David's is better than most fathers' can be in this situation."

"Think of all the advantages," says David. "I can carry Ruby's stroller up and down subway stairs and for much longer because I am used to carrying tools. Of course, it really doesn't matter too much if you drop a toolbox."